


Let Me

by fffearless



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sadness, Self-Harm, friendship fic??, idk where Calum is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-23 20:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fffearless/pseuds/fffearless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton's had a feeling about this weird spindly kid for a while now and he's determined to find out what it is</p>
<p>(Ashton becomes Luke's friend and tries to stop him hurting himself)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me

**Author's Note:**

> Today I overdosed on lashton fics and I guess this happened

"Sup," Michael says in greeting with a slap to Ashton's back before sitting opposite him at the outdoor picnic table.

They're at school and it's lunchtime, but it's a wonderful (disgustingly hot) Australian summer day so they're eating outside. 

Ashton looks up from the phone in his hand. "Hey Mikey," he grins, locking his phone and putting it on the table beside him. 

They quickly fall into their regular repertoire of discussing everything they did since they were last together (which was only since the end of school the day before, but a lot can happen in less than twenty four hours) when Ashton stops. The kid's walking past, that guy that Ashton's never spoke to and doesn't even know, and he has to look. 

Michael's "er, Ash?" is a distant sound as he concentrates on the boy. He's younger than Ash, just by a few years, but he's a few inches taller. He's got a head of tufty blonde hair and looks painfully skinny, his school uniform clinging onto his frame for dear life. 

Ashton doesn't know this kid, but he knows there's something about him. He once walked in on him in the music room whilst he thought it was unoccupied, scribbling in a notepad and twanging some guitar strings. He only heard a few words as he sung them out to test them with the riff, but that's all he needed to hear. Since then he's been what can only be described as captivated, and he's curious as to what goes on in that little guy's mind. 

Once the boy has scurried off back into the school building, gripping the straps of his backpack, Ashton's finally ready to listen to Michael again.

"What?" He asks, shaking his head back into focus.

"Oh nothing, I was only telling you about this awesome song I started to write yesterday-" (Michael's got this whole one-man band thing going on at the minute) "-but it appears there are more serious issues at hand. Who's the dude?" He jerks his head in the direction of where the blonde boy was walking a moment ago.

"What dude?" Ashton plays dumb, it's safest, he thinks, and sips from the straw poking out of his coke can. 

"I know you know who I'm talking about," Michael says with an eyebrow quirked and Ashton damns his lengthy friendship with Michael and his ability to know when he's lying. 

Ashton wonders if it's really worth playing it up. He sighs. "I don't know," he settles for.

Michael looks confused. "You don't know the kid?"

"Affirmative." 

"Then why were you practically undressing him with your eyes?" Michael smirks. (Ashton's sexuality is a little bent at the moment and Michael likes to take the piss because it's funny when Ashton's cheeks go that adorable shade of pink.)

"I wasn't undressing him!" Ashton squeaks. Michael laughs, there it is. "I was just... Studying?" He tries. "He seems interesting."

"Yeah, and I bet his cum face is interesting too," Michael muses.

Ashton throws a chip at Michael and huffs. "You're so gross." 

Michael waves his hand "whatever. But mate you were practically dribbling, I'd go talk to the kid if I were you."

Ashton pouts at Michael and the bell clangs repeatedly in the background. Ashton picks up his backpack and slings it over one shoulder. "Later Mike," he calls as they head in opposite directions.

"Bye babycakes!" Michael trills. 

Ashton rolls his eyes and doesn't turn to look at him. Bloody bestfriend.

-

When Ashton gets home he has a think. He thinks about the boy and what Michael said to him. Sure, he's been curious about this kid for quite a while now, but does he want to talk to him? And even if he did, what on earth would he say? 'Hi I'm Ashton and I think you're interesting let's be buddies'? Er, no. 

Ashton groans, jabbing the heels of his palms into his eyes. He honestly doesn't know what to do, but he does decide that it'll be cool to get to know the boy. So that's that, he's going to get to know him. He just has no idea how.

Ashton sighs and falls down onto his bed, suddenly tired, and curls into a ball. His eyes drop closed and his breathing evens out a little. He'll sort it out tomorrow...

-

Except he doesn't. Well, he tries. At lunchtime the boy wanders past again and Ashton almost avoids going up to him but Michael sees him looking and gives him a purposeful shove in the boy's direction.

"Hi!" Ashton says, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, once he's recovered from the stumble. 

The boy looks at him, eyes (ocean eyes, fuck) widening in something that's a bit like fear. He doesn't say anything.

Ashton presses on. "I'm Ashton," he grins.

The boy still says nothing, just blinks. 

Ashton frowns. "What's your name?"

The boy appears conflicted, and he looks to the left as though he's hoping someone will come to his rescue. "Er, Luke. I'm Luke."

Ashton positively beams. "Yes, yes you are! So great to meet you Luke!" He thrusts his hand at his chest for him to shake.

Luke eyes his tensed hand before shaking it hesitantly. "So er, what's all this about?" He asks, his voice slow and thick like honey. And fuck, if that's not attractive Ashton doesn't know what is.

"Nothing, it's about nothing! Well, I wanted to introduce myself after so rudely interrupting you in the music room all those months ago since I never actually apologised at the time. I do hope you forgive me," Ashton blabbers.

Luke's gone from looking scared to utterly confused. "Uh, it's cool man. I forgot that even happened."

"Oh great. That's great! No hard feelings then eh?!" Ashton says, sounding close to hysterical. (He's trying to cover up the fact that he's upset that the moment he's been replaying in his mind for the past few months means shit all to Luke, but it's not really working.)

"Well Luke, absolutely wonderful to meet you! Must go though, bell's about to go," Ashton says cheerily and dashes off to murder Michael before Luke can even respond. 

Ashton stomps up to Michael with one of the angriest faces in history but Michael just splutters with laughter. "Didn't go well then?" He asks, almost choking on his giggles.

"No! What the fuck Mike, why did you make me do that?!" Ashton yells. "He probably thinks I'm the weirdest person on the planet now, I said absolutely. Absolutely!" He groans and covers his face with his hands. "He's never going to talk to me again."

"Hey, hey," Michael says, serious suddenly. "You don't know that."

"It's kind of implied," Ashton retaliates, his voice muffled by his palms. 

"Don't be stupid Ash, he was probably just confused. Don't give up before you've even started mate," he says, patting Ashton's shoulder in a way that's far too comforting. 

Ashton sighs, defeated, and removes his hands. He gives Michael a face.

"Don't look at me like that cos you know I'm right," Michael teases, poking Ashton's cheek where his dimple usually appears. 

"I hate you," Ashton breathes, falling into Michael's body as a way of initiating a hug.

Michael wraps his arms around Ashton's shoulders and tells him "I love you too."

-

Ashton thinks about what Michael said and yeah, he's not going to give up. Although he does leave it a few days before he talks to Luke again just to let him fully recover from the first traumatic conversation.

It's a Thursday when Ashton goes up to Luke again. "I'm sorry," he starts, barely giving time for Luke to register who's talking to him. "For that disaster the other day. I was kind of scared to talk to you because I'd wanted to talk to you for a while so I guess I freaked out a bit. Sorry," he says, not hiding anything. What's the point? It'll only make things more complicated.

Luke doesn't even look fazed. "You... were scared to talk to... Me?" He asks, looking genuinely confused. 

Ashton nods.

To his surprise, Luke laughs. "So one of the coolest year elevens was scared to talk to arguably the dorkiest year nine? Mate, does that even make sense?"

Ashton knows Luke's not taking the piss out of him but his cheeks warm slightly anyway. "Yeah I just... I just think you seem really interesting. That sounds weird but I wanted you to like me so I was scared that you wouldn't."

"This is insane," Luke says, looking kind of pleased. 

"Yeah, sorry," Ashton says, looking at his scuffed up school shoes. He really needs a new pair. 

"Don't be sorry man, I think it's pretty cool. No one's ever called me interesting or wanted me to like them before," Luke says.

Ashton looks up, hopeful. "Really?"

Luke nods.

"First time for everything," Ashton tries to joke. "Uh so do you think we could like, be friends or whatever? It's been a while since I've done this so I've kind of forgotten how it works," he says, laughing at himself.

"Same," Luke says, looking confused. 

"How about I give you my number and we take it from there?" Ashton says, already reaching into his pocket for his phone. 

"That could work," Luke says, pulling his phone from his bag too. 

Once Ash's number is safely stored in Luke's phone Ashton smiles at him. The bell sounds and Ashton pouts. "Well, it was nice to talk to you Luke," he says, hitching his bag further up his shoulder.

"Yep," Luke confirms, giving him a tiny smile. 

"See you around," Ashton says, a little bit like a question, and Luke nods. Ashton smiles and waves as he heads off in the other direction, feeling like he's able to breathe again.

-

Ashton wakes up on the Saturday morning to sunlight streaming through the crack in the curtains directly into his eyes and groans. He sandwiches his head between his two pillows to block it and feels around on the nightstand for his phone. He unlocks it to find a number of texts from Luke, reminding him that he'd fallen asleep during a conversation with him last night. 

"Hey asshole have you fallen asleep?"

"Ash"

"Woooo, Ashtoooon"

"Not cool man"

"Can't believe you've fallen asleep on me. Worst friend ever :("

"Fine I'll just go to bed too. Dick"

Ashton grins and begins tapping a message.

"Sorry man, couldn't help it"

It's seconds after he's sent it when he receives a reply.

"You will be sorry Irwin"

Ashton snorts.

"Well good morning to you too mr grumpypants"

Again, his reply is instant.

"Whatever, wuu2 today?"

Ashton thinks.

"Nothing" he begins, then in an impulse decision adds "wanna come over?"

He sends it, now anxious for Luke's reply. It takes a bit longer this time and Ashton's kicking himself.

"Sure :D what's your address?"

The relief washes over Ashton and he sighs, texts his address to Luke then leaps out of bed to shower and make himself presentable. He's still not entirely sure if Luke does like him (in a friend way), so he still wants to make a good impression. 

-

Just over an hour later Ashton's opening the door to a timid-looking Luke standing on his porch. He looks so cute and little, a hole in the knee of his skinny jeans and his tank stretched all out of shape, a beanie pulled down over the clouds of his hair.

"Hey," Ashton beams, stepping aside to let Luke in.

Luke smiles and enters. "Wow, your house is so nice," he compliments, looking all around with wide eyes.

"Yeah, Mum likes to clean," Ashton says with a laugh. "You want a drink? Something to eat?" He's already walking to the kitchen, expecting Luke to follow. 

Luckily he does and then they're in Ashton's kitchen, filling glasses with coke and grabbing bags of crisps before heading up to Ashton's room.

"You could have at least cleaned," Luke jokes, toeing off his shoes as he enters.

"This is clean!" Ashton says, mouth formed into a perfect 'o'. 

Luke laughs and perches on the edge of Ashton's bed, whereas Ashton throws himself on it and pops open a packet of crisps. They talk comfortably for a while, both boys cracking the occasional joke and laughing, until they get on to some more personal subjects.

"So Luke, you know I walked in on you that time? In the music room?" Ashton says, his back pressed to his mattress.

Luke's crossed legged beside him, looking at the wall next to Ashton. "Mm?"

"Do you remember what you were doing?"

"Er, writing a song?" Luke questions.

Ashton nods as awkwardly as his position will allow and continues. "Do you remember what song?"

Luke laughs a little rigidly. "Mate that was months ago, I don't remember."

Ashton continues to stare at the ceiling. "Well I remember. I only heard a bit of it but it's been bothering ever since. It was pretty deep man," he says.

He sees Luke shrug slightly.

"Do you write from experience?" Ashton asks.

Luke mumbles something incoherent and Ashton sits up. 

"What was that?" He questioned.

"Sometimes," Luke said in a little voice.

Ashton can't believe he's got this confidence because he's actually pretty scared right now. "You wrote that song from experience, didn't you?" 

Luke doesn't answer.

"Can I see your wrists please Luke?" He asks in a soft voice.

Luke tightens his arms across his lower abdomen and stares at Ashton's bedsheets.

"I know that you wrote that song about hurting yourself Lukey," he says, coaxing him to let Ashton see. "Please can I just see your wrists."

Luke's face crumples in something like defiance but when Ashton reaches forward to place a hand on his forearm he gives in, slowly stretching his arm out for Ashton. 

He picks his way through a mess of string and beaded bracelets before finally finding skin and having his assumptions confirmed. His wrist was a roadmap of ugly scars, some white, some lilac, and even some that were still healing. Ashton doesn't gasp or tell Luke off, he stays neutral, not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable than what Ashton was sure he was.

"Since when?" Ashton murmurs, bringing the thin wrist closer to his face. 

Luke visibly swallows. "A while ago," is all he says.

Ashton wants to sigh, wants to punch himself for not befriending Luke sooner, and brushes his lips softly over the damaged skin. 

Luke lets out a little whimper and Ashton wonders if it hurts, or perhaps he's just overwhelmed by the attention Ashton's giving him.

"I need you to promise me something," Ashton says, gently tracing his thumb over some of the noticeably thicker scars. "You need to promise me you won't do this again, okay?"

"Ashton, I-"

"Whenever you're upset I want you to call me or come over, I'll never ignore you nor will I judge you. I just need you to stop this Lukey," he says in that soft, soothing voice. 

"I don't know Ash," Luke says, voice small. "It's hard." A lone tear falls down his cheek.

"I know Lukey, I know, but you can't do this to yourself okay. It's not good and you don't deserve it."

"Yes I do," he says harshly, ripping his arm free of Ashton's grip.

"How can you say that Luke?" Ashton is genuinely upset that a person, not just Luke, could ever think that about themselves. 

"Well it's true isn't it? I'm an ugly fuck up with no friends and no reason to live so why shouldn't I do it to myself?" He says, suddenly angry.

Ashton can feel tears gathering in his eyes and he just wants to bundle Luke up in a million blankets and cuddle him forever, protecting him from everything bad in the outside world. "Luke baby, none of that's true. You're not a fuck up, I'm your friend and I happen to think you're rather beautiful."

Luke sighs. "You just don't get it Ash," he looks so small and tired and done with the world, it's heartbreaking. 

"Then help me get it, please Luke. I want to be here for you," Ashton leans forward and takes Luke's hand, rubbing his thumb across his bony knuckles. 

Luke closes his eyes, as if he's thinking, and looks at Ashton. His ocean eyes are swimming in pent up sadness and he takes a deep breath. "It's like I'm in a river. Walking against the current. And it's hard, so hard to keep on going and there's all these people on the riverbank shouting at me to just get out of the water but they won't even help me."

Ashton tries to understand, he really does, but he's not sure what Luke's getting at. "I think you need a nice sleep," he says finally. 

Luke doesn't even protest when Ashton peels back the duvet and helps Luke slip beneath the sheets. His head rests on the pillow and his eyelids flutter closed, breathing turning shallow and Ashton looks at him. He leans forward to kiss him on the forehead, and vows to himself he's going to make it his own personal mission to save him. 

-

Luke wakes up a few hours later in the early evening and Ashton's sat there beside him, scrolling up and down his twitter feed. He senses movement beside him and puts his phone down, turns to Luke.

He looks at him, eyes flicking from his dishevelled hair and wonky beanie, down to his eyes, rimmed red with sadness, past the ski-slope of his nose and to his pink lips. They look soft and Ashton thinks it's probably a bit wrong that he wants to kiss him right now. 

"Morning sunshine," he says, cracking a smile.

Luke doesn't smile, just looks intently at Ashton. "Thank you," he says in a croak. 

"What for?" Ashton leans forward to push the hair back from his forehead.

"Trying to help. I appreciate it," he smiles a tiny bit then.

"It's okay, I'll always try to help you," Ashton says. It's quiet then, neither boy knowing what to say, when Luke breaks their silence.

"Cuddle?" He says in a voice so small Ashton wonders if he heard him right.

He beams and lays down beside Luke, pulling him into his chest by the waist. Luke hums against Ashton's collarbone, content, and Ashton smiles, pulls off the beanie and threads his fingers through the tufts of Luke's hair.

They stay like that for ages, until it gets proper dark, and when Ashton's convinced that Luke's fallen asleep again he whispers into his hair "maybe I'm gonna be the one that saves you."

He's proven mistaken when he feels Luke's lips stretch into a smile against the skin of his neck, but his embarrassment is spared when Luke presses a gentle kiss there and replies "maybe you are."

**Author's Note:**

> First 5sos fic ever, sorry if it sucked
> 
> This isn't my best work but I hope it's still okay :)


End file.
